Safe humiliation and degradation

Being small, called “used,” placed beneath — the loss of ego itself is erotic. The stronger the “can’t” and the awkwardness, the sharper the charge: he loses himself exactly as far as you diminish him, and that is what frees him.

It works through three channels. Words — how you address him, the names you give, the judgments spoken aloud: “you look ridiculous,” “little slut,” “my thing.” Position — him lower, on the floor, at your feet, eating after you, not sitting without permission.